Happiness is a choice, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy. When we’re stuck in a constant loop of fear and negativity, it can be hard to cultivate a positive mindset.
As a leader on Institute for Global Happinesswe’re constantly thinking about the small, intentional things we can all do to make our communities more positive, happy, and resilient.
It often starts with how we talk to others and ourselves. If you use any of these six phrases every day, you’re actually happier than most:
Reframing “I have to…” to “get to…” is a powerful way to get into a mindset of gratitude.
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Not you have seeing someone about your back pain, for example. You get on. That’s the benefit of living with the most advanced medicine available in human history.
And you don’t have check on the screaming toddler you thought was sleeping – you get it. You’ll miss the midnight hug in a few years, so an extra one tonight might be good for both of you.
Studies have shown this gratitude it can make us happier and physically healthier. A great way to incorporate gratitude into your life is to play “Rose, Thorn, Bud”.
A rose is any highlight, small win or small pleasure of the day. “I finally found the keys to the shed,” “My principal sent me a thank you email,” “I got help at hockey practice.” A thorn is something that hurt or didn’t go well. And finally a bud, or something you look forward to.
It can be uncomfortable at first, but we’ve found it becomes a force for positivity and connection.
When someone opens up, many of us tend to want to solve their problems or give them advice.
Instead, just say “Tell me more” with the implicit offer of time and energy to listen, allowing them to continue processing their feelings and thoughts while deepening your relationship and bringing you even closer.
We try to add this little phrase to any sentence that starts with “I can’t,” “I don’t,” or “I’m not.” Even if it is only spoken in spirit, the word helps to pry open the door that our brain is trying to slam. It represents the possibility that you could sometime in the future: “I’m not qualified for this job… yet.”
This is a good one to share with kids to teach them how to turn setbacks into learning opportunities: “I’m not a strong swimmer…yet” or “I don’t like onions…yet.”
It’s easy to get caught up in the worries of the moment and feel like there’s no way out.
Anxiety attacks happen to many of us, even over little things like being 10 minutes late for a meeting, forgetting to pay a bill and getting slapped with some interest or not getting a reply to a friend’s text.
When you start to feel that stress, ask yourself, “Will this matter in a year?” If the answer is no, try to draw future calm back into the present moment.
Are you pinged by 17 text messages, 243 unread emails and three calendar notifications?
Distractions and decision fatigue are often obstacles to happiness. So narrow down your options. Instead of pinging from one thing to another, take a minute and write down one thing to focus on either at the beginning or end of your day tomorrow.
Achieving this small goal is one achievable step you can take towards true happiness.
Neil Pasricha is a leading authority on intentional living. He is the New York Times bestselling author of 10 books and magazines, including “The happiness equation” and “Two minute shotHe hosts an award-winning podcast 3 booksand delivered keynote speeches in TED Talks and SXSW. Follow him on Twitter @NeilPasricha.
Leslie Richardson is a community leader. She is a mother of four, an inner-city special education teacher, and runs community listening groups for moms and teens. She studied psychology and pedagogy and is a certified parenting coach. Learn more at LeslieRichardson.ca.
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